We asked Microsoft Exec Steve Ballmer to run an Urbanfail seminar teaching City Hall the very simple philosophy we like them to follow.
Watch the video below:
Corporate Knights magazine dubbed Ottawa the Canadian city with the least ecological integrity. Urbanfail Destrucion was proud to help Ottawa achieve its rightful place among large Canadian cities in environmental ranking (ecological integrity) - dead last.
Ottawa's mayor and the rest of our shills lackeys supporters at City Hall have enabled us to clear-cut, bulldoze, and blast away vast areas of Ottawa's pristine greenspace and old-growth forest, unhindered, and unfettered. They have done a stand-up job of sheltering us from the wrath of the community who voted them into office imagining that those they elected would actually carry out their environmental mandate. We at Urbanfail say, if you want democracy go to Egypt!
We look forward to City Hall's continued support as we persevere in wreaking havoc in the South March Highlands (OGF). We proudly share this award with Ottawa's mayor and councillors and encourage our readers to let them know of the honour bestowed upon them. Send your city officials an email!
Here at Urbanfail we are outraged at the cowardly manner in which British government officials recently reversed a decision to sell hundred of thousand of acres of forests to deserving developers. These are clearly officials without a backbone, pathetically giving in to public outcry. We are especially distressed at the negative precedent set by their apology to the people: "I am sorry. We got this one wrong…." A sad day for the development community.
However, here in Ottawa, Urbanfail would like to commend our local government for standing firmly and solidly against the people, the citizens, and communities of Ottawa! Our city officials have shown us what true backbone is by ignoring innumerable protests, and thousands upon thousands of letters, emails, and phone calls from the communities they serve. If only the Brits could learn from City Hall's outstanding attitude and their unswerving, unfaltering, unwavering, fawning, deferential, obsequious commitment to developers like us.
From: Mucho Cash
Subject: Urbanfail Destruction's view of development
- As the future Head Honcho of Urbanfail Destruction I have had a unique view of the drama unfolding and of the media reports in regards to the upcoming development - and it's all lies I tell you, all of it! Don't believe what anyone says, they're all out to get us - only believe us… only us!
- We pride ourselves on being a more environmentally aware home builder - we are very aware that the environment stands between us and mucho dollars!
- We wanted to know if the claims of those trying to protect the forest had any merit, so we pretended to do some research and independently, all by ourselves, decided we were right and they were wrong - in fact, we discovered that everyone who opposed us was wrong…every stinking last one one of them!!!
- We're very environmentally sensitive - really! In the areas where we build, 40% of the greenspace will be protected, primarily in the form of exclusive golf courses.
- To believe that a chosen few should have more say over how land is used just because it's a truly unique, environmentally sensitive, and archeologically important region goes against core Canadian principles of majority rule - what…wait - you mean the majority want it protected and we're the minority chosen few? Um…as I was saying, we believe that only a chosen few, such as Urbanfail, should have a say over how land is used.
- You, the protesters and communities of Ottawa, have no right to try to cancel our development - why - because we said so, and, in case you haven't figured it out yet, we have a lot more clout than you, and City Hall jumps when we say jump! So there!
- We know you are all saddened by the clear-cutting, but just wait till we start the blasting!
- Stopping the destruction, would be unfair to the thousands of buyers of our new homes who also want to live in this soon to be barren place beautiful place. And yes, they all want to live in exactly that area, on only that land - nowhere else, we swear! They're the ones forcing us to fulfill their irresitable, implacable wishes - we are only helpless puppets controlled by our customer overlords. It's just a happy coincidence that our overlords always choose the same path we had already planned out - one that greatly enriches us!
- We don't know why the Algonquins are complaining. The Algonquins of Ontario will be allowed to return to the area in the spring to search for and collect
- the rotting carcasses of hibernating animals helplessly crushed or driven away and killed because of our machines
- the crushed, pulverized, and unrecognizable fragments of
Although the people that have enjoyed this area up to now have every reason to be saddened by this development, we would like you to know that we at Urbanfail feed vampire-like upon your sadness gaining glorious strength from your helplessness in the face of the vast empire and endless dominance of URBANFAIL DESTRUCTION!!!!
Ignorantly Arrogantly Gleefully
We are the dynamic duo of Ottawa. We are experts at rezoning environmentally protected lands for clear-cutting and blasting, renowned for ignoring (with the help of City Hall) the concerns of communities and citizens. It's all about money and influence, lobbyists and lawyers. Trees, nature, endangered species, hibernating animals, archeological studies, first nations hoopla, protests, community outcries - come on get real!
Board the Urbanfail steamroller. City Hall already has!